The More Boys I Meet, The More I Love My Dog

I noticed that my friends and I have a serious problem: We attract the worst men. One of my favorite songs is by The Wreckers. I feel like it is the story of my relationship life. Literally, only CrAzY people fall in love with me. Tonight, I dedicate this blog to all of the horrible guys we have ever dated. From the one hit wonder dates to the awful long term relationships. 

The Wreckers - Crazy People

I had this epiphany when I was trying to save my friend from her volatile boyfriend. I must admit, the volatile boyfriend story is a hilarious one, but not mine to tell. I will say this about their relationship, that shit cray. It is so cray cray that I decided that I need to blog about all the qualities in a man who is NOT marriage/ relationship material.

Cray cray relationship friend has dated some interesting guys. From backpackers to doctors each one being an inadequate counterpart for her lifestyle. My favorite guy however, was one of my friends. It was pretty unfortunate that the relationship didn't work out. He was perfect. Super sweet and her parents loved him. But have you ever heard of someone being too perfect? That was him. It was quite annoying. But that's not the topic here tonight. Tonight we are talking about all the imperfections that should send signals to your brain to stay away...no matter how far in a relationship you are in. I don't care if you have been dating for 5 years. You see one of these flags...run!

RED flags:

• he chases you in your car flashing his bright lights and trying to run you off the road because he wants to "talk". <-- that shit cray
• he goes on a "business trip" and says that it will be too loud to call you all weekend; He MIGHT text you, but he could go the whole weekend without communicating with you. <-- that nigga cheatin'
• After chasing you because he wants to "talk" he blows your phone up and proceeds to send you texts that start off angry then convert to concerned pleading. <-- hot head
• he starts taking his 45 minute phone calls outside in his car. <-- cheater cheater
• he defines to you who a stalker really is <-- stalker
• he explains to you that he isn't the scary one, that you are actually the scary one, but your'e a girl so that makes you less scary. <-- be afraid of him
• he works overtime and still manages to have NO money to take you out, buy you anything, or help out with bills <-- some other bitch is gettin' the $$
• he only takes you out at night where there are no people around when you fly across the country to visit him. <-- he has a girlfriend 
• he gets pissed at you because you want to leave his house since you are hungry and he has no food <-- control issues
• he all the sudden has to work the weekend of a wedding that y'all have been planning on going to for a year even though his job only works on weekdays <-- you gave him the opportunity to plan something with someone else

So ladies, take it from my collaboration of red flags that I have noticed in just the last relationship my friend and I have been in...well she still resides in hers, but that's a long story. I could probably go all night with red flags, but I have class at 7am. Feel free to comment with red flags. They will be useful when and IF I start dating again. With my luck of men, I just feel like the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.

"I'll High-five to that!"