That Slut is Pregnant!

I wish I could live my Pinterest life. Le sigh.

In my Pinterest world I am an awe-inspiring chef, photographer, crafter, decorator, say the wittiest shit, have a jaw dropping body, have fantastic red hair, plan awesome weddings, have an awesome wedding, have a FABULOUS home, own amazing shoes, clothes, and jewelry, go to breath taking places, and have an obsession with Hello Kitty and Owls (Ok, the last part is true).

Reality check: I am a transitioning vegetarian (not under times of stress though! I need MEAT!), suck at taking pictures, say dumb shit, want boobs, have tinted red hair, am a skinny bitch, have nothing that goes according to plan, live in a cramped apartment (city dwellers actually call this space) am a bargain shopper, don't own enough shoes, clothes, or jewelry (no man would ever agree though), go on cheap vacations to Florida, and have a slight obsession with Hello Kitty and owls (ok, you got me...the obsession is HUGE!)

Sometimes life just gives you shit that you DONT have pinned on your virtual pin baord. Ok, MOST of the time. One thing that I didn't have planned on my Pinterest OR in real life was to become a grandmother at 26. Yep. 26. If you have been following my blog from the beginning you know that I have two fur babies, Kiwi and Papaya. You would also know that Papaya is my heathen and she drives me absolutely ape shit crazy. So if you guessed that Papaya was knocked up I will confirm that yes, that slut is pregnant!

An Instagramed face of a whore

We are already showing

I know! You guys are all thinking, wait...didn't you take her to go get permanent birth control? Well, I'm on a budget, and my animals have a vet out here that is the equivalent of going to LSUHSC when you have no insurance and are sick/ dying. Soooo to get all of their shots I usually only pay like $40. When I asked how much it would cost to get Papaya's uterus removed and they told me $75, I was elated! The only stipulation was they had a waiting list until March 22. <---Ugh, Fine! If I kept her from procreating for a year of her life, what is another couple of months right? 

My journey in life teaches me new lessons every day. I should have known from my previous experiences that you can't stop a slut from becoming pregnant (hahaha) if that is what she wants to do. Now my kitty is running around with some random baby daddy and is going to be forced to orphan her kids. Yes, I am a horrible grandma, but there is no space for more fur balls in my 715 sq ft of living. 

I find all this out in the midst of freaking out about my school life, which has increased to an all new high. Having a death in your immediate family and trying to grieve while in Chiropractic school is an amazing feat and now I only have one more "chance to shine" before I end up repeating a class =(. I was told not to beat myself up about it, but it is kind of hard when I predicted this happening and everyone told me to "you better go back to school next tri" "If you don't go back, you probably will never go back!" Look people, I had already invested a lot of money into grad school, and unless I found me a sugar daddy in Leesville, I was gonna come back after my tri off! Shoulda, woulda, coulda, and now I have to deal with the consequences of my poor decision making. 

One day y'all, I hope to be better at this decision stuff...at this life stuff in general! That's why I have Pinterest to keep me in line. Keep my eye on a ridiculously unattainable prize; but hey, it is nice to dream!!! So for now, I will keep the dream alive by studying for my finals and praying for the best, AND helping plan my grandma celebration party (it was suggested that we have a chrochet party...as long as there is alcohol...I'm in!) 

To all my Parker peeps, I hope you have enjoyed this little distraction from you studies. Now get you nose back to those books and kick ass on your exams! I on the other hand, am going to go back to sleep since I only got 3-4 hours of sleep a night this week studying. Hopefully I'll dream sweet dreams since all I have been able to think about is school and how that slut is pregnant!