My CDs are in his Truck!

"Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason why women are crazy is because men are stupid." - George Carlin 

I know that I have clarified this subject once in Women are Crazy, Men are Stupid post, but I feel like with all the stupidity I have seen, I need to REclarify. Ladies, we need to do better. Men...well what can I say for men. A lot of curse words come to mind. 

So I have this friend, he...he has been mentioned before. He was the yang to Elle Wood's yin in her cray cray relationSHIT (reference The More Boys I Meet the More I Love My Dog). He is a good guy deep down inside. I just know it. I mean, I'm a bitch to him most days because it's funny, and yet he still shows up to my birthday party with no complaints and does me favors. A guy like that can't be all bad. He however, SUCKS at relationships. I think it's because he's immature in that department...or immature all together. I know, you are ready for the point of this tale, so here goes...

Let me introduce to you my friend, Douche-bag Dick Damien Ahh...Yes, Damien the Douche (thanks Elle). So, he for some reason is the cream of the fucking crop with the ladies around these parts. I mean, when trying to hook up another friend with a pretty girl at our school one must first ask, "has she hooked up with Damien the Douche?" 99.99% of the time the answer is yes. This statistic really baffles me. Boggles my freakin' mind! Maybe it's because he isn't my type. I can't figure out what it is. Whatever is in his pants must be able to do magic, because it just doesn't make any sense to me. 

So, his current situation is with these two gorgeous girls. We will call them Jailbait and Naive. I really like them both. My only issue with Jailbait is the obvious. I mean she's 18 as of a couple weeks ago, but as we are to be doctors in a year, I feel like we should be dating people that can actually come out and drink with us at a bar. Plus, I was 18 once. Life changes quickly. The last thing this chick needs to do is be tied down to a douche. As for Naive, well that is the thing. He can walk all over her. That doesn't make for a healthy relationship, but no one listens to me so, whatever. 

He was is was dating them both. Well he was dating like 4 girls. All of them brunette and all of them with the same letter first name. Oh! And lying to all of them about every damn thing he could. I told you...douche. Now, I don't have a problem with dating multiple people. I encourage it for young people. I however, don't condone sexing multiple people at a time or making them believe that you are exclusively dating them. Put your cards out on the table: Hey I like you and I think your fun to hang out with, but I am seeing other people and I am not ready to be in a relationship. Guys, I know you think that honesty is a sin, but trust me...you would date less crazy people if you were just honest up front. 

He narrows it down to two girls and is friends with both on Facebook, but has his privacy setting so neither finds out about each other. <--- Professional douche. We (his roommates and I) are all in on this. Let me tell you, it is hard to keep up when both girls names (actually all 4 of them) start with the same letter...I had to remind myself who Jailbait was every 30 minutes at my birthday party just so I wouldn't say the wrong name. After a lot of coaxing from us, he breaks down and tells the girls about each other. I got to witness part of the aftermath with jailbait, but this didn't change their minds about Damien the Douche. They still came over to see him...and do other stuff knowing that the other girls was doing the same.

He knows that he needs to just choose, because these girls were now starting to fall for him. And he...well he "says" he is falling for the two of them. He can't just let one go because "he can't deal with hurting one." So tensions raise as he continues to date...and er...yea...both girls. He then...this was the killer, tells Jailbait that she is not the one. That he wanted to be with Naive. So he pulls a Trey Songz "Last Time". Fast forward (later that day) to 9pm. 

I hear Damien and a girl come in. I say hey to Damien and look at the doorway and see a brunette girl with her face away from me. I assume it is Jailbait because it's her 18th birthday (and she was just there that morning) and say hello to her also. The face then turns around and says, "wrong one." DOH! I get the evil eye from Damien and vow to never say a name without seeing a face. 

Now the next time I am over there studying, he comes in with a girl and goes straight to his room. There is some arguing going on, but we all ignore it. Finally there is a "don't touch me" and a slam of a door. He comes out of the room after her and I say, "dude, leave her alone, I will go talk to her." At this point, I know it's a crying Naive, and I go over to try and talk sense into her. No haps. She tells me that she saw him texting Jailbait lies about where he was when he was with her. WTF?! She finally calms down and returns in the house to stay the night. 

Later and the next day I yell at Damien for his stupidity. For dragging two girls hearts around and giving them a complex. He truly fucked up this entire situation. Even if he decides to ever have a relationshit with one (which he has now decided should be Jailbait), the trust has already been abused. They're gonna be crazy, wondering where he is, who he is texting, if he is telling the truth...etc! He says that he would be cool with that, but for how long dude?? That would get ANNOYING! Then he would regret picking one and would want to be with the other because that would have been the right choice. Nope! She would have just done the same damn thing. 

Come on Guys? You don't see how YOU make US crazy?! Now these girls will have issues trusting the next guy because of all the BS they went through with all the Douche-bag Damiens in the world! Oh but ladies don't think you get off easy. They only do this shit because YOU LET THEM do this shit! If I was either one of these girls and knew one of them just stayed the night the night before me, I would be 
O. 
double U. 
T. 
OUT! You wanna know why? Because I have self respect. I have self-esteem. And I fucking LOVE myself!

I know what I deserve. And it ain't no two timing, lying, can't make up his mind, tanning too much, PRICK! Stop making excuses to stay with this dude. You can't change him, and if he says he is gonna change, well honey you better be patient 'cause change it ain't gonna happen over night. 

How dare I just go there and say you don't love yourself or have any self respect and esteem? Well girls, actions speak louder than words. There is an old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" If you are going to let this dude mess with you knowing he is messing with another girl, then you had issues of your own before this guy ever screwed with your head. We need to have a come to Jesus pow wow. He is never going to think you are worthy of a relationship if you don't think you are worthy of a relationship. Lay down some laws sister. Why would he ever want to settle down with you alone if YOU let him think it is OK to be with you AND someone else?! Chew on that. 

The best part about all this is after everything...BOTH of them are still around. If I was Damien, I would get tired of defending myself and arguing with these bitches. He needs to let both of them go, or they both need to drop him like a hot potato. Funny man Dane Cook spoke of these kind of girls before...Enjoy the video and learn a lesson from this post and grow some balls a vagina!

If said girls would enjoy pay back: Click here!