Always a Bridesmaid...

Maybe I won’t get married, you know?  Maybe I’ll do one of those Eat Pray Love things….

Ugh.  No, I don’t wanna pray.  Forget it.

I'll Just die alone

- Mindy Kaling

This break has been nothing short of amazing and slightly stressful, not to mention it is going by too quickly! I need to catch you guys up on life as I have been slacking since I haven't had much to avoid lately. 

I went back to Shreveport the first few days of my break since my little Scarlett was turning one. In Korea the first birthday is a pretty big deal, so there was no way I would ever miss my niece's "you survived your first year on Earth" party. I also got to hang out with some old friends and it made me miss Shreveport a ton or maybe just the good company I was with. I'm not sure. Regardless, I realized that I need to make a decision on where I am going to set up shop soon because there is a world full of people that need my help and influence. 

Happy first birthday my blue-eyed princess! 

She kept wanting to get on the table to get adjusted. I think that is one smart 2 year old already knowing that her nervous system needs to be subluxation and interference free!

While I was away, Elle Woods and Molly went wedding invitation shopping. Molly's engagement photo shoot was coming up and Elle suggested that I "style" the outfits that Molly and JC should wear. Everyone knows I love fashion, and I definitely have my own style; I was super excited to take the sweatpants and t-shirt wearing girl, into the fashionable counterpart of a very Southern gent. 

Sorry. I have yet to fully introduce my lovely girlfriend to you all. Yes, you saw us eat popcorn on my bed and scroll the internet at 3 am after the bar, but you know little about this love of mine.

Facts about Molly:

• She is from Homestead, Fl. Never heard of it? Just travel an hour south of Miami....yea, I thought Miami was the most south you could go in Florida too. 
• She used to be an amazing dancer (not the kind with a pole guys). Even though she may not know how to drop it like it's hot, she is a dream to dress in clothes because most everything looks good on her.
• She is home-schooled. Though she may be smarter than the rest of us public school kids, her knowledge in pop music sucks. 
• She loves to sleep. I have never met anyone that could sleep until 2 in the afternoon until I met this girl.
• She is always late. Reference bullet above. 

Now that you actually know Molly, I feel like we can move on with this post. She asked me not too long ago to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming December wedding. Of course I said yes because my identity depends on being a bridesmaid...again. Since she is a laid back kind of girl, she is letting us pick our own dresses as long as they are navy and having us wear cowboy boots. Awesome? I think so! I have no qualms about being a bridesmaid for this bride because her ability to become a bridezilla is slim to none. 

Thursday was the day of the shoot and I had been doing nothing all morning. I was getting ready to go to my appointment to get adjusted when Molly tells me that she was picking props up for her shoot at 5:30pm in Mckinney. It was 2:30pm. Why was she running around picking up props at 2:30 the DAY OF her photoshoot? Because she didn't wake up until 2 O'clock of course. She asked if I could help her with a project before the shoot and insisted I not skip my appointment to help her. I left Parker's student clinc at 3:45 and although I don't regret going to my appointment, I regret going to my appointment. 

I get there and the girl is NOT dressed, has on NO make-up, and is JUST finishing straightening her hair. Great. We have 45, an hour at the latest to be out of the house. She puts me to work cutting up brulap in to triangles and stapling them to a string to make a thank you sign (I assumed this was a Pinterst find). I also needed to paint the words thank you in blue paint. Hmmm...45 minutes...let's go! 

Needless to say the project wasn't finished in 45 minutes nor was Molly ready. We scramble around like crazy people because we realize that JC's car is at Logan's and Molly's car is inoperable. Ergh. We had so many things to pack up so I say that we take my car just for the sake of being on time for once. Everything gets thrown in the car and I am sitting in my own back seat with balloons and other props, burlap and some paint. We make our trek to Mckinney as I stupidly paint burlap in the back seat with my favorite dress on that I have only worn once prior to this. You see where this is going right? Yea...blue paint on my orange dress...go Broncos!

After I finish whining about my dress, I complete the sign and push it aside. Molly takes a crazy turn and the sign and residual wet paint get on me. Le sigh. The photo shoot went well however despite the mosquitos, the stickers (the ones that come off of plants), heat, and our being late (she is going to be late to her own funeral). She thanked me with a steak dinner and a lot of I love yous, so I couldn't be too mad. It all comes with bridesmaid territory, especially when you are the only bridesmaid in state during an event. When and if I ever get married, all my friends that I have been a bridesmaid from have another thing coming. It's called payback!

And this girl thinks she doesn't look good in yellow. Pah! Crazy!

My friend Amber and I had a chit chat about all this getting married vs. being single thing. After great debate have settled with the idea that we may just be alone with each other and our cats that will have out survived our beloved dogs. We have decided that we will be in the club in our 90s yelling, "that's my shit!" when Back that Ass up comes on and droppin' it like its hot with our wrinkled behinds. Well...I won't be wrinkled she says because I will always have good skin since I am half black and asian. She said that she will be wrinkled with leather skin though because "white people don't wear sunscreen." Oh man I love that girl!

Before I forget! I watched a new show today that stars Mindy Kaling (chick from The Office) called The Mindy Project. I think it may become my new favorite show since Private Practice is ending this season. I know that I will become an Addison Montgomery one day, but Mindy is the Diamond of her 20's and I love it! I'm sure she too is always a bridesmaid. 

My CDs are in his Truck!

"Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason why women are crazy is because men are stupid." - George Carlin 

I know that I have clarified this subject once in Women are Crazy, Men are Stupid post, but I feel like with all the stupidity I have seen, I need to REclarify. Ladies, we need to do better. Men...well what can I say for men. A lot of curse words come to mind. 

So I have this friend, he...he has been mentioned before. He was the yang to Elle Wood's yin in her cray cray relationSHIT (reference The More Boys I Meet the More I Love My Dog). He is a good guy deep down inside. I just know it. I mean, I'm a bitch to him most days because it's funny, and yet he still shows up to my birthday party with no complaints and does me favors. A guy like that can't be all bad. He however, SUCKS at relationships. I think it's because he's immature in that department...or immature all together. I know, you are ready for the point of this tale, so here goes...

Let me introduce to you my friend, Douche-bag Dick Damien Ahh...Yes, Damien the Douche (thanks Elle). So, he for some reason is the cream of the fucking crop with the ladies around these parts. I mean, when trying to hook up another friend with a pretty girl at our school one must first ask, "has she hooked up with Damien the Douche?" 99.99% of the time the answer is yes. This statistic really baffles me. Boggles my freakin' mind! Maybe it's because he isn't my type. I can't figure out what it is. Whatever is in his pants must be able to do magic, because it just doesn't make any sense to me. 

So, his current situation is with these two gorgeous girls. We will call them Jailbait and Naive. I really like them both. My only issue with Jailbait is the obvious. I mean she's 18 as of a couple weeks ago, but as we are to be doctors in a year, I feel like we should be dating people that can actually come out and drink with us at a bar. Plus, I was 18 once. Life changes quickly. The last thing this chick needs to do is be tied down to a douche. As for Naive, well that is the thing. He can walk all over her. That doesn't make for a healthy relationship, but no one listens to me so, whatever. 

He was is was dating them both. Well he was dating like 4 girls. All of them brunette and all of them with the same letter first name. Oh! And lying to all of them about every damn thing he could. I told you...douche. Now, I don't have a problem with dating multiple people. I encourage it for young people. I however, don't condone sexing multiple people at a time or making them believe that you are exclusively dating them. Put your cards out on the table: Hey I like you and I think your fun to hang out with, but I am seeing other people and I am not ready to be in a relationship. Guys, I know you think that honesty is a sin, but trust me...you would date less crazy people if you were just honest up front. 

He narrows it down to two girls and is friends with both on Facebook, but has his privacy setting so neither finds out about each other. <--- Professional douche. We (his roommates and I) are all in on this. Let me tell you, it is hard to keep up when both girls names (actually all 4 of them) start with the same letter...I had to remind myself who Jailbait was every 30 minutes at my birthday party just so I wouldn't say the wrong name. After a lot of coaxing from us, he breaks down and tells the girls about each other. I got to witness part of the aftermath with jailbait, but this didn't change their minds about Damien the Douche. They still came over to see him...and do other stuff knowing that the other girls was doing the same.

He knows that he needs to just choose, because these girls were now starting to fall for him. And he...well he "says" he is falling for the two of them. He can't just let one go because "he can't deal with hurting one." So tensions raise as he continues to date...and er...yea...both girls. He then...this was the killer, tells Jailbait that she is not the one. That he wanted to be with Naive. So he pulls a Trey Songz "Last Time". Fast forward (later that day) to 9pm. 

I hear Damien and a girl come in. I say hey to Damien and look at the doorway and see a brunette girl with her face away from me. I assume it is Jailbait because it's her 18th birthday (and she was just there that morning) and say hello to her also. The face then turns around and says, "wrong one." DOH! I get the evil eye from Damien and vow to never say a name without seeing a face. 

Now the next time I am over there studying, he comes in with a girl and goes straight to his room. There is some arguing going on, but we all ignore it. Finally there is a "don't touch me" and a slam of a door. He comes out of the room after her and I say, "dude, leave her alone, I will go talk to her." At this point, I know it's a crying Naive, and I go over to try and talk sense into her. No haps. She tells me that she saw him texting Jailbait lies about where he was when he was with her. WTF?! She finally calms down and returns in the house to stay the night. 

Later and the next day I yell at Damien for his stupidity. For dragging two girls hearts around and giving them a complex. He truly fucked up this entire situation. Even if he decides to ever have a relationshit with one (which he has now decided should be Jailbait), the trust has already been abused. They're gonna be crazy, wondering where he is, who he is texting, if he is telling the truth...etc! He says that he would be cool with that, but for how long dude?? That would get ANNOYING! Then he would regret picking one and would want to be with the other because that would have been the right choice. Nope! She would have just done the same damn thing. 

Come on Guys? You don't see how YOU make US crazy?! Now these girls will have issues trusting the next guy because of all the BS they went through with all the Douche-bag Damiens in the world! Oh but ladies don't think you get off easy. They only do this shit because YOU LET THEM do this shit! If I was either one of these girls and knew one of them just stayed the night the night before me, I would be 
O. 
double U. 
T. 
OUT! You wanna know why? Because I have self respect. I have self-esteem. And I fucking LOVE myself!

I know what I deserve. And it ain't no two timing, lying, can't make up his mind, tanning too much, PRICK! Stop making excuses to stay with this dude. You can't change him, and if he says he is gonna change, well honey you better be patient 'cause change it ain't gonna happen over night. 

How dare I just go there and say you don't love yourself or have any self respect and esteem? Well girls, actions speak louder than words. There is an old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" If you are going to let this dude mess with you knowing he is messing with another girl, then you had issues of your own before this guy ever screwed with your head. We need to have a come to Jesus pow wow. He is never going to think you are worthy of a relationship if you don't think you are worthy of a relationship. Lay down some laws sister. Why would he ever want to settle down with you alone if YOU let him think it is OK to be with you AND someone else?! Chew on that. 

The best part about all this is after everything...BOTH of them are still around. If I was Damien, I would get tired of defending myself and arguing with these bitches. He needs to let both of them go, or they both need to drop him like a hot potato. Funny man Dane Cook spoke of these kind of girls before...Enjoy the video and learn a lesson from this post and grow some balls a vagina!

If said girls would enjoy pay back: Click here!

Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture

Ok, so if you saw my Facebook statuses a few weeks ago, I promised everyone that I would "shake it" if my friend Vestal won the student senate election as president at our school. Plus, I was a little upset that the Jason Aldean Luke Bryan concert sold out in 5 minutes meaning I couldn't shake it for good ol' Luke. Well my very dear friend won president, =/ So I had to keep my end of the bargain. I've debated on whether I should really post my congratulatory video, but after a lot of coercing from friends, you now have entertainment. 

Now, before you push play there are some important things you need to know. 

A.) The original video is of a girl dancing to whooty...that new word I introduced to you a couple of weeks ago. (if you still don't know, youtube the video after this)
B.) This is a joke. A spoof of the Whooty video
C.) Yes those are cowboy boots
D.) Tara, this post means that I obviously love you...**SIGH**

Straight up Tom-foolery right? I'm pretty sure you weren't even watching me as more distracting things were happening. That chick can do some amazing things with her bum!

Thanks to my Am bam for helping me make this video and laughing the ENTIRE time I was shooting. 

A Southern Belle Rant

Things I miss about my life in Louisiana

• Daiquiris
• Drive through daiquiris
• Driving while drinking daiquiris

They key is to drink the daiquiri and wipe off the straw and put it back under the tape. 

• Partying until 6 a.m. 
• My friends

• Being able to say the F word in every other sentence without anyone judging me
• Being able to wear skimpy clothing without anyone judging me
• Meeting new people and them not judging me
• Not being judged period 

I call this masterpiece, dead frog on tennis ball

• Having intelligent conversations everyday with intelligent people 

So I went home on the weekend. Home becomes a really confusing word. Most people mean it as where they are from. And yes, my mother's house in Leesville will always be my home. But you know the saying "home is where the heart is"? Well, I left my heart in Shreveport. So to me Louisiana is just home in general.

I spent 5 years in Shreveport growing up into the woman I am now. A lot of maturing occurred there. I lived on my own, made friends on my own, and even voted in that duration. How could I not have an attachment to that place? Luckily this time our drunken nights left us with just mundane stories. No bones were broken in the process.

I, however, did get to wear my sparkly see through panty hose as our theme for the night was porn star. Don't judge me. No one else did. 

Porn star hair...check

Porn star make-up...check

Porn star dress and pimp...check

Now on to bigger and more important things. Chik-fil-a...

Oh. You wanted me to say something about it? I feel like the rest of the world has done that for me. Who gives a fuck if chik-fil-a supports gay marriage or not? Their milkshakes are awesome! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and eating there doesn't make you a homophobe. I'm a Christian, support gay marriage and love the fuck out of some Chik-fil-a. 

Get your panties out of a bunch and drink a bud light. It doesn't hurt you for them to be gay and it doesn't hurt you for them to be married. Focus on something else like crazy ass people shooting up movie theaters. Im. Just. Saying. 

Ok...now on to this Gabby Douglas chick. She is awesome. I wanna piss my pants with excitement when I see her perform. Are people really talking about her hair? Hello! Her hair is NOT naturally straight. We have talked about this on a previous blog! If you have curly hair, straighten it, then sweat, it's going to look like shit. Why are we worried about a 16 year olds hair? She won a fucking gold medal. So until you work your ass off and win a gold medal with perfect hair, shut the hell up.

Next topic: Kim Kardashian...

Bitch is insecure.

I am so tired of her making the news because she tweeted a photo of herself in a bikini and the caption of, "no photoshop". Bitch I take bikini pictures all the time and don't photoshop, no one cares. We have already seen you naked with no photoshop having sex with Ray J...with no photoshop. I get it. You are a beautiful girl. Cover your tits up sometime. 

Hey Kim! I wear bikinis too! Oh and my hair looks like crap after it is all wet from the lake...go figure. 

Alright. My ranting is done. If there is anything else you would like me to rant about leave me a comment. Other than that I am going to call it an early night and hit the sack!

P.s. Someone buy me one of these!