My first night back home, Canada came to visit Louisiana so we could put off saying goodbye. By the time she arrived in Shreveport, I had already been drinking Skinny Girl Margarita, and Skinny Girl Mandarin Vodka with Sprite (which tastes just like Sunkist) at the pool. We went out with my newly single fiancé to the newest casino in town, Margaritaville. The show was great but not as great as the show my completely hammered fiancé was giving.
My pretty little love unconciously flirted with one of the stilted guys who we just named Stilts for obvious reasons. This Norweigen Johnny Depp look alike talked to us our entire dinner and invited us out afterwards. We never made it that far because some people just can't hang, but the story doesn't end there. The next weekend, my bestie, fiancé and I went to Stray Cat downtown. Who do we see there? Of course we Stilts and a couple of his hipster friends there. One guy dressed in a tie, vest, and fake black glasses profusely hits on me all night long. He offered to take me to dinner, but even free dinner wasn't enticing enough. I wasn't drunk enough to be entertained by him. Stilts on the other hand got touchy feely and downright possesive over the girl he that got away.
Who are these men that never quit. Is this a new breed? Guys now a days can't take no for an answer. It is like they think they are entitled to my vagina. A guy that apparently knew stilts and his friends came up and started talking to me. I politely, or as politely as I could, told him, "I'm sorry. I already have a group that I am hanging out with. You can go away, I don't want to talk to you." Instead of appreciating my straight forward response he quickly got angry and and started using offensive terminology. Seriously, you were just trying to hit on me and now I am the ugliest bitch you know? Well buddy, you should seriously raise your standards.
Again, I go out with the fiancé to meet up with some new friends on hump day. Whoop! Whoop! I'm having a good time enjoying some Makers while my love drinks a slutty on the weekends dirty martini. She sees a guy a few tables away and says, he looks like Brad Pitt. Interested, I look over and am disappointed by the choice of celebrity used to represent this guy. I question her vision and she reassures me that if I were to be a block away and see this guy that he looked like Brad Pitt. Fine. I'll accept that.
He kept eyeing our table as well as a guy in camo pants, a vest, and hipster black glasses. Oh God. It was hipster guy, friend of Stilts. I avoid all eye contact and start talking with a table behind me which seated a young man calling a man sitting at a table beside mine an asshole. As the night went on I found out the name caller was celebrating a birthday. He invited us lovely ladies to his table, but we declined. By this point Brad Pitt was hitting on me and we invited him to sit at our table. He is 12 years my senior and entertaining to say the least. He kept asking for my number but I was making him earn it.
Meanwhile, name caller decided that his friends and him were going to another bar. I gave him a hug and told him happy birthday. He says, "I know you probably won't, but text me later." and hands me his business card. Damn his pick up tactics. Challenge accepted. I continue to talk to Brad and decided he is cool enough to give my number to. Boy was I wrong.
Next Saturday while I am in bed and my phone is on silent across the room:
9:48pm - "Fuuuuck!"
9:48pm "Mmmmm...."
9:53pm "Y u tease me"
10:01pm "Ok..im out if u wanna see me later...u look beautiful"
10:02pm "Btw...i didn't txt u today cuz i wanted to see if ud text me unsolicited...yep"
10:26pm "I think u kinda playin games with me.....mayb not....idk"
10:27pm "Im at steak for a drink...this is my calm bfore the storm...bfore i get DT"
10:30pm "yep seven txt and no reply....game"
11:32pm "last txt:::::hope i c u tonight...if not...then ok"
3:26am "wow"
3:41am "ok bye"
I contemplated apologizing for not having an attachment on my body for my phone, but who the hell apologizes for resting. Plus, I didn't want to further open lines of communication with this crazy. As for name caller, he has a girlfriend. He texted me asking for pictures and telling me I dropped the ball by not waking up next to him the morning after his birthday. I needed to research this guy, I mean he did give me his business card with his full name. Obviously you want me to know more about you. I typed his name into Facebook and his profile picture was of him and another girl in a hot tub. I clicked on the comments,"such a cute couple." Seriously. And she is VERY pretty. Why are guys douchers? In fact, EVERY profile picture he had was a picture of the couple. I hope he gets caught and she chops his dick off.
Your friends will tell you, good guys are just intimidated and blah blah blah. Why do these losers have such big balls? I am apparently a magnet for crazies, douche bags, liars, and men with horrible fashion sense. Notice: I am not in the market for someone of the opposite sex, but can the next guy that tries to talk to me be normal...and rich?
Again, I go out with the fiancé to meet up with some new friends on hump day. Whoop! Whoop! I'm having a good time enjoying some Makers while my love drinks a slutty on the weekends dirty martini. She sees a guy a few tables away and says, he looks like Brad Pitt. Interested, I look over and am disappointed by the choice of celebrity used to represent this guy. I question her vision and she reassures me that if I were to be a block away and see this guy that he looked like Brad Pitt. Fine. I'll accept that.
He kept eyeing our table as well as a guy in camo pants, a vest, and hipster black glasses. Oh God. It was hipster guy, friend of Stilts. I avoid all eye contact and start talking with a table behind me which seated a young man calling a man sitting at a table beside mine an asshole. As the night went on I found out the name caller was celebrating a birthday. He invited us lovely ladies to his table, but we declined. By this point Brad Pitt was hitting on me and we invited him to sit at our table. He is 12 years my senior and entertaining to say the least. He kept asking for my number but I was making him earn it.
Meanwhile, name caller decided that his friends and him were going to another bar. I gave him a hug and told him happy birthday. He says, "I know you probably won't, but text me later." and hands me his business card. Damn his pick up tactics. Challenge accepted. I continue to talk to Brad and decided he is cool enough to give my number to. Boy was I wrong.
Next Saturday while I am in bed and my phone is on silent across the room:
9:48pm - "Fuuuuck!"
9:48pm "Mmmmm...."
9:53pm "Y u tease me"
10:01pm "Ok..im out if u wanna see me later...u look beautiful"
10:02pm "Btw...i didn't txt u today cuz i wanted to see if ud text me unsolicited...yep"
10:26pm "I think u kinda playin games with me.....mayb not....idk"
10:27pm "Im at steak for a drink...this is my calm bfore the storm...bfore i get DT"
10:30pm "yep seven txt and no reply....game"
11:32pm "last txt:::::hope i c u tonight...if not...then ok"
3:26am "wow"
3:41am "ok bye"
I contemplated apologizing for not having an attachment on my body for my phone, but who the hell apologizes for resting. Plus, I didn't want to further open lines of communication with this crazy. As for name caller, he has a girlfriend. He texted me asking for pictures and telling me I dropped the ball by not waking up next to him the morning after his birthday. I needed to research this guy, I mean he did give me his business card with his full name. Obviously you want me to know more about you. I typed his name into Facebook and his profile picture was of him and another girl in a hot tub. I clicked on the comments,"such a cute couple." Seriously. And she is VERY pretty. Why are guys douchers? In fact, EVERY profile picture he had was a picture of the couple. I hope he gets caught and she chops his dick off.
Your friends will tell you, good guys are just intimidated and blah blah blah. Why do these losers have such big balls? I am apparently a magnet for crazies, douche bags, liars, and men with horrible fashion sense. Notice: I am not in the market for someone of the opposite sex, but can the next guy that tries to talk to me be normal...and rich?
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