How to Hula Hoop

A video has been long overdue. I keep getting ideas and trashing them, or just half way getting through a project. Today's video however, was completely impromptu. We had a patient management exam today and an hour before, we found ourselves shooting a video on my phone. I mean, if we didn't know the information, we weren't going to know it in an hour right? 

Facts:

• Being a doctor doesn't always have to be so serious
• Black people make songs about anything
• We (Steph does anyway) know how to hula hoop
• Exercise is good for you
• Steph is a whooty

Guilty Pleasure Monday

Guilty Pleasure: something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. The "guilt" involved is sometimes simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes.
-Wikipedia


Ok, everyone has a guilty pleasure. If you say you don't, then I hope you don't believe that lying sends you to hell...because that is where you would be going. 


My guilty pleasure this week is a song...actually the musical artist that sings that song. You can already figure it out from here, but I like to elaborate. So I am sitting in my car with the windows down rocking my new Oakley Frogskins. I'm feeling great because the weather isn't terribly hot, my hair is a new color and I am a year older. Nothing could make this day better. Then I hear it. That song that I love so much on the radio. Winning!


I turn the song up and recognizing that I was emabarrased of myself, rolled my windows up, and turned on the AC. I sing the words as loud as I can bobbing my head to the beat. I pull up to the red light and look over to my left at the guy stopped beside me. Silver Benz and all kinds of sexy. I immediately stop bobbing my head and try to look cool. Thank God, I have some cool sunglasses, because the 98 Honda Accord was no help at all. 


For some reason though, I can't stop singing the song. It has some kind of a hold on me. I just love it so much! Instead of screaming the song (in my attempts for sexy silver benz man not to hear my "singing") I do a whispered version of the song. God, I hope he can't read my lips. The light turns green and I let him zoom off. What was I thinking? Was I hoping to make a love connection at the stop light?! Psssh. I turn my music back up and start singing again.


It's one of those even when it's over you keep singing it no matter what the next song on the radio is. That is of course what I did. Then I went home and played it on repeat. =/


Well here it is...the guilty pleasure of the week:

Justin Bieber's Boyfriend

I hate to even admit that I have a little bit of the Bieber fever, but rest assured that I will take some Motrin for that. There is nothing attractive about this 18 year old that sounds like he hasn't hit puberty yet. In fact, he looks more like some lesbians I know than a man. I could see being attracted to him if I liked girls. Unfortunately, I don't, but I am attracted to his girlfriend Selena Gomez. How that even happened still gives me a mind explosion. 

I try to only like one Canadian thing a week, but it looks like it is going to be a tie between my personal Canadian and the Biebs. Thanks Biebs for making such a great song for me to jam out to even though I am slightly embarrassed. 

When it Rains...

Sometimes my life is full of misfortune. And by sometime I mean this week. I know. It's only Tuesday. Let's go back a few days...Friday.


Setting: my lovely purple couch in my abnormally warm living room.


I open my big brown eyes slowly as I awaken from a nap. Birds chirp, the air is warm and crisp, and I have a kitty cuddled beside my legs. 


Holy balls it is 2:12pm! I have a hair appointment all the way in Mansfield at 3:00pm! 

You read that right. 50 minute drive. Holy balls.

So here I am running around like a mad person. Purse, check. Kiwi taken out, check. Keys, check. I hop in the car and rush to get on 635. Oh 635. Lord have mercy. I'm doing 85mph on the interstate trying to make my appointment time. At 2:45pm I call the salon, "ummm I'm going to be 15 minutes late." I get to Mansfield and then...WTF. Where am I supposed to go? My GPS is lost. Seriously technology? Fail me now? Yes. 


So I drive around looking for this fantastic Salon I was recommended to go to and nothing. Not a thing. I park. 30 minutes late. Eff. Way to be a stereotypical black woman. Always on CP time. I'm about out of gas so I look for my wallet. Damn it! That wasn't on my check list! I drove this far, that fast, without a driver's license?! Thank you sweet baby Jesus for watching my back and allowing me to avoid cop's radars. More importantly I am damn near out of gas and I have no money. 


No money for gas. No money for hair. Oh, and lost. 


So I cancel my appointment and head back home with Molly and JC on standby in case I run out of gas somewhere. I had a pretty good weekend with awesome people and a Fantastic Monday (oxymoron?). Then today happened. 


It started off with one of our professors being a dick. Yelling at us if someone moved their lips and being pissed because we decide when we come to class. Look dude, I pay for this shit. I'll decide if I want to come to class or not or if I want to drop a letter grade because of my absences. It's a thing called choices...ok, sorry. Rant.


Then Dr. Hall. Ok, maybe I shouldn't use his name. I have issues with him. Deep rooted issues. Like he reminds me of my father issues. Actually, he reminds me of a woman. Doesn't really know what he wants, expects you to read his mind, and despite your best efforts, is never satisfied. If I was dating this bitch, I would have broken up with her a long time ago. Unfortunately, I am stuck in this relationship for another month. I feel like he is the dead beat father of my child. The baby daddy I can't stand to my beautiful baby Chiropractic. It's like I will never rid of him. But in August, hopefully, my baby chiropractic becomes an adult and is on her own and I won't have to deal with this douche again. 


Another rant. I apologize. Anyways, he goes on and on about how I [we] don't care about my [our] education, I don't want to give any effort, something about sex, and how the curriculum sucks. Blah. That was my morning. I went and ran errands during lunch (and argued with my mom) and headed back to school to give Molly some money. She didn't show. Yeaaaaaaa. So I leave during the second hour of that class to take Kiwi to get a haircut. On my way back to go to clinic to get adjusted, I notice (thankfully) my temperature gage is abnormally high. I keep driving and it keeps raising. Jeez, here we go.


See, I have had problems like this with my old car. The Jetta. That is another story. I have literally had coolant leaks with a car, every year for the past four years of my life; I wasn't catching a break this summer. I finally get to my apartment complex and park my car. Eff this. I am going inside my apartment and sitting in the air conditioner. I can't deal with this. Plus, everyone is in class, Molly is asleep, and Tara is in clinic. 


Then Canada texts me! Oh my! She doesn't have class today! I asked her to come pick me up and take me to get coolant (my tank was completely out) which was perfect because she needed a new light. We get our materials and head back to the apartment and get on it like the cute little girly mechanics we are. Both hoods are up, Mel in her jeans and cute top is looking into her car trying to figure out what fascia is. The chick in the dress, me, is perfectly pouring coolant into the tank without a funnel. It was a great sight. I wish I would have thought to take a picture. 


Canada leaves and I drive my car into the complex. The arrow to my temperature gage is still raising! This never happened with my Jetta! So I get out the car and turn it on and bend over ass all in the air to see if my car starts to leak. Yep. And quickly. Houston, we have a problem. 


Things I needed to get done:

• pick kiwi up from her hair appointment
• go to a report of findings at a doctors office
• get adjusted
• go to class in the morning
• re-try hair appointment on Wed. afternoon

Tara took me to get my baby and I missed that report of findings. I'll get adjusted on Thursday and class will come after and if I get my car to the shop. The hair appointment? Cancelled because it is obviously not meant to be.

Best part of all of this? As soon as all this crap started to happen I typed a name in my phone to call: G-E- O- R- G- E- I go to hit call and I realized it spelled out George. I am so used to calling him when things go wrong and hoping he can fix it. I called my mom instead. Wrong idea. She had no sympathy at all whatsoever to the fact that I dialed George's number. In fact, I think she was jealous that I dialed his number first. I ranted to her about my whole day and all she had to say was, "A lot of your friends are married, you can't do that?" Ugh, no mom. I don't want to marry the next dick I meet. 

There you have it. My entire day in one post. It is more elaborate in person, but hey, it is 10:22pm and I have a wellness report due. You know what they say: when it rains...

It pours.

Oh Canada eh?

Cinco de mayo is an awesome holiday. We celebrate it because....were all Mexican? No! (though one day we probably will all have some kind of mexican in us [thats what she said] like we are all Indian somewhere along the way) Because it is an excuse to throw a ridiculous party and drink. So if we celebrate OUR independence and Mexico's independence, why are we not celebrating our northern neighboring country's independence? 

If you didn't know, today is Canada day! And of the few Canadians I have met in my life, the most important thing I have learned from them is that they like to drink! My kind of people! So why are we not celebrating? Why does no one know anything about Canada??! I of course, being a recovering alcoholic (<--- not true, but that is what 20 days of sobriety feels like) alcoholic, know that I have an extra day to have an excuse to get shit faced. Unfortunately, this year, I am sober. I picked the worst time of the year to choose to be sober. 

But that is neither here or there. Everyone go out and have a beer for Canada. Canadian beer!  

Congrats Canada from being freed from that bitch the queen...I think. I am not really sure how all this works as I am not Canadin. 

But today I am going to educate all you uneducated Americans about Canada because I know a lot about Canada...

I know a Canadian. 

My Canadian and Me!

FAQs Americans ask Canadians:

1.) What side of the road do you drive on?

• The same side we do.

2.) Are there Mexicans in Canada?

• Yes. Mexicans are everywhere.

3.) Did you play red rover?

• Yes. (Though I would imagine it to be hard in mittens)

4.) How do you say Happy Birthday in Canadian?

• Happy Birthd-eh (see what I did there?)

5.) Does everyone in Canada smoke weed?

• No. (Surprising, I know!)

6.) Does everyone in Canada speak French?

• No. There are actually sides...a French side...and a non French side <--?

7.) What is it like in Toronto?

• Toronto and Canada are not synonymous. 

8.) Who is your President

• They don't have one. They have a Prime Minister (and who cares who he is)

Things I've learned about Canada:

They don't have drive through banks!

 One day I go to the bank with my favorite Canadian (I know multiple obviously) and ask her to just pull into the drive through. I thought it was a simple task, but boy was I wrong. I hand her my check and she kind of stares at me. I'm all, "put. it. in. the. tuuuuuuube" She confusingly does as she is told and resumes her awkward staring. Now I'm just annoyed. I tell her in my best smart ass voice, "now put it back in the receiver." She does and keeps acting like a ri-tard. Now I am pissed. "Push the green button..." She does and as the tube gets sucked in, the child jumps halfway out of the car. I laugh uncontrollably because at that moment, I realized she had never seen a drive through teller. I was right. I am assuming because it is too cold have one there. The little thingy that sucks the other thingy up probably would freeze and get your money stuck somewhere in the middle. They do have drive up ATMs though.

They love mac and cheese. When I met my lovely Canadian friend I took notice to the fact that she ate a lot of mac and cheese. I thought it was her favorite food. I mean, if you offered me rice everyday, I'd eat it! One day our professor decided to give us all a quiz on Canada. One of the questions went something like, what is the most popular food in Canada. Mac and cheese was an answer. I chose it and I was right. Suprisingly, the Canadian herself answered it incorrectly.

They have loonies and toonies. I'm convinced that the people are all looney, but that is what they call their currency. Loonies are $1 coins and have a loon (some kind of duck or something) on them. And a Toonie is a $2 coin and rhymes with loonie...and is like a two...so it works. I guess. Looney tunes is also a cartoon series, but I guess they didn't think of how stupid it would sound, when they named it. 

They don't have turtles. Well, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada doesn't have turtles. I can't speak for the rest of that vast land. Apparently when we had to go to this stupid camp for school, she saw a turtle and acted like a child seeing a magic trick. One day, as we were crossing a bridge over a creek, she goes on and on about seeing the turtles down there. I stop because now I know that Canadians are definitely weird, and say, "do ya'll not have turtles in Canada?" She replies, "In pet stores." Lord.

Their English has a huge British influence. I have a couple of Canadian professors. Their notebooks are stupid because they spell words like honor, glamor, and color like this: honour, glamour, and colour. It is annoying. Oh and they say words like skeletal and capillary like this: ska-lee-tal and ka-pil-ery

They don't have lightning bugs. My friend thought fireflies were fake. Like fairies. She would hear people in songs talk about fireflies and assumed that they weren't real. I let her know that they were, and she finally saw some real ones recently and acted like a freak when she saw them. She additionally got ate up by some chiggers. Bet she knows those are real now too.  Furthermore, she had never seen rolly pollies! I feel like she was deprived as a child. 

Random facts about Canada:

• Hockey is to Canada as Football is to the South
• Canadian is NOT a race
• Rachel McAdams is Canadian as well as Ryan Reynolds sexy self
• Canadian is not a thing. They are a group of people...from Canada
• They call beanies toques (too-k)
• Canadian bacon is not bacon. It is ham
• They call bags begs
• Fuckin' eh came from Canada
• The definition of eh - is a spoken interjection that is similar in meaning to "excuse me," "please repeat that" or "huh?" It is also commonly used as a question tag, i.e., method for inciting a reply, as in "it's nice here, eh?"