Being Strong is the Only Choice

Valentine's day.

I was planning on making this ridiculous blog about Valentine's day.

I was going to say how it was the stupidest holiday not because I am bitter, but because I think all holidays are stupid (except for my birthday).

I wanted to talk about the girls who have significant others and post their flowers on Facebook and say how awesome their man is. <--He is your man. If he didn't get you flowers or something...he is less than awesome. The fact that he got you something just means he is mediocre...look at your newsfeed. 

I wanted to tell you all that People should show their love everyday. Send you flowers just because...even that doesn't make him awesome because as your significant other...he SHOULD do that. 

I wanted to tell everyone how much fun I had going out to eat with my gay best friend who isn't gay on Valentine's day, well because we always go out to eat, but Valentine's day deals made it that much better. 

Instead I get to tell you that my step-dad George passed away.(for those new to this blog reference Say Grace & He Never Gave up On Me)

He is gone.

And my heart feels empty.

I had an absolutely amazing day on February 14th 2012. I went to school, got a couple of chocolate wrappers with hearts on it, and even got a half piece of chocolate! Trust me, it was an awesome day because I have awesome friends. 

Some may call this trash, I call it the sweetest gesture a sugar-holic could come up with to give his annoyed classmate

I headed to Garland at around 6:30pm so I could meet up with my awesome opossum friend for our dinner reservations at 7:30. On my way there, I decided to call my parents and tell them Happy Valentine's day. When my mom answered the phone, she was balling her little slanted eyes out to the point where I couldn't understand any of the words she was saying, as if her accent didn't make it hard enough. She told me that she got no sleep. That George had been praying all night the night before to God. He was asking God, "hold my hand" and "give me another chance." That put a huge knot in my throat, but I had to be strong for the woman on the other line. She then told me how he kept repeating to God that he loved him. That was a relief. I became strong again knowing that he did not put the blame on God, that he was praising him the whole way through. 

I said, "Well, that's good mom! Why are you crying??" She said, "I know. But he stopped this afternoon. He hasn't said anything and he is breathing funny." Later I found out that my mom asked him, "who am I?" and he said, "my wife", but when she asked who the nurse's aide was he said the same thing. She knew then that he was going to leave us and called the nursing home to send his mother to our house. When I was on the phone with her, I could hear the pastors praying over him. I told my mom, "Tell George it is Valentine's day. Tell him that I love him." 

She did as I said and called me later to tell me she did. Then I went out to dinner and had a fantastic meal with one of my best friends. A glass of champagne, seafood bisque, ahi tower, salmon with asparagus and red pepper roasted mashed potatoes, dessert, and a couple of beers. It was awesome and all only $40 a person at Soul Fish Grill. We got back, said see ya in the morning, and I went off on my merry way to go cuddle in the bed with my babies. 

I wasn't even on the highway yet when my mom called. I answered and heard her screaming through her tears, "He's gone! He's gone! George is gone!" I calmly told her, "It is going to be ok. He is out of pain now. Call someone to the house to be with you and I will call you back." I cried. I looked at the clock and it said 9:36 (but my clock is 5 minutes slow...I work on CP time). I will always remember that time. I called Awesome Opossum and told him what happened and he told me to turn around and come back. In retrospect, this was probably the best idea, because I was crying pretty hard and tears + 30 minute drive on the highway = DISASTER. 

So after sitting in the house and talking to his mom for a bit, I calmed down and we made some plans. My friends are awesome because they made planning so easy. Awesome Opossum drove me three hours to Shreveport because me driving at 12 at night after crying was out of the question. My friend/family that I call when I'm sick?? Yea, he had all the technical stuff down. Emailed all my teachers for me and confirmed why he is one of my favorite people in the world (Jon you are the best!). My wonderful friends Chris and Kali? Well they have the extra key to my house for a reason! They had the animals taken care of. Elle Woods?? She is keeping Kiwi for me since Aunt Molly is super busy with her mom coming in town this weekend. Girlfriend from college? Yep, she answered the phone at 12:21am and got back up at 3 so we would have a place to crash for the night even though she had work at 7. My blonde highschool friend? She drove two hours to Shreveport to pick me up and take me home.

I'm blessed. God placed me in the right place at the right time when I got the phone call. He put some amazing people in my life and I am so grateful! I never had a great relationship with my real dad...and right now I don't have one at all with him. George barely had a relationship with his kids and that was one of his biggest regrets. That is why we were so close. We filled a void in each other's lives. I finally had a dad and he got to do right by a child. He was the one I called when things went wrong, and the one to tell me when I was in the wrong. He was my biggest cheerleader and I can't tell you how lucky I am to have had him. I may not have had him for long, but God knew exactly what part of my life I would need him and I am thankful for the time I had. I wouldn't be me without him. 

My last goodbye kiss

I will miss him.

But he will always be with me.

He promised to be at my graduation and I know he will be.

We are having the funeral tomorrow Friday, February 17th @ 7pm at Labby Memorial in Leesville. I'm supposed to be saying a few words. You are all welcome to come. Visitation will be at 6. I know we did this pretty quick, but I think my mom has been planning this for a while and just wants to get it over with. 

Last night after Blondie left me I sat in my parents room because my mom was asleep in my bed. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried and ran to my mom and she held me until my little break down was over. This morning I cried because the internet wasn't working and I couldn't ask him how to fix it. I cry when people come over and tell me what a wonderful daughter I am to have come home every weekend. I cry when people send me sweet messages. I haven't cried this much in my life. And I really hope at some point I will stop.

It's weird. Through all of this everyone kept telling me how strong I am. I didn't believe them, but I guess I am. I am going to school to be a doctor, dealt with a completely dramatic relationship that ended horribly, and took care of my terminally ill dad as much as I could. I know people go through much more than I do and persevere, but if you would have told me that I was going to go through this a couple of years ago...I would have told you that I would slit my wrists if that happened. But I didn't. And now I know what it means to be strong.  

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