This is Why I don't Mess With Pussy

I love animals. LOVE them. In fact, for the past 8 months I have been working at an animal hospital loving on some fur balls and answering phones. Let's catch up.

• Getting a business loan is really hard when you are young and have nothing in your name even though you have amazing credit.
• Getting a normal job when you have Dr. in front of your name is really really really hard because people don't wanna pay you Dr. money.
• Working you ass off (literally...it's gone) at an animal hospital dealing with stupid people and answering phones is sometimes the only way for a person to get cash flow to start said potential business. 
• It is completely worth it to be ass-less when there you meet amazing people and you have a chiropractic office with your name on it. 

People bring in stray animals and or abandon animals on a regular basis in the veterinary world. Insert melancholy feelings here. One kitty cat named Miley was one that was abandoned and became our new resident. My new BFF Roxanne who works with me at said animal hospital needed a pet. After many talks about how her littles would love a kitty and how they are self sufficient, Roxanne decided to take Miley home. 

The first night Miley was overly excited about her new home. She was no longer stuck in kitty condo with short amounts of social interaction. She had a whole 2 bedroom apartment to roam. She then proceeded to do crazy kitty shit, like go into heat and roll the fuck around. 

Like this one

After attacking Kiwi once and letting her know who's house it was, Kiwi and I would come over on a regular basis to stay the night with no problems. We were all the best of friends. Finally it was time for that cat to stop her fucking whining and get her uterus removed. It is supposed to be an easy procedure, but we were told that she went bat shit crazy waking up from anesthesia...but most animals do act weird (as I have learned) when they wake up from Lala-land so Roxanne wasn't concerned especially when Miley was the most loving cat that we have EVER seen. 

I left for a weekend to go visit Molly and the baby and Kiwi stayed with Roxanne, her kids, and Miley. As far as I know everything went smoothly. When I got back, I took Kiwi back over to the apartment to hang out with my favorite new friend when Miley decided to lose her fucking marbles. 

Kiwi ran over to Miley's bowl, like she always does to eat left over cat food. When I went in to chastise her, Miley ran around the corner out of no where and started attacking my baby. That was fine, Kiwi shouldn't have ate her food, plus this has happened once before and it only lasted 5 seconds. Well, 5 seconds became 15 and my baby started crying and tried to run across the kitchen. Miley followed suit quickly to claw and bite her some more while I heard my fluff ball yell, "MOM! HEEEEELP!" I immediately went into mom mode and put my hand (stupid, stupid move) in the middle of the fight. I grabbed my baby and held her up to my chest trying to comfort her as the deranged cat came running after me. She chased me into the living room where she climbed up my right leg, scratching, and biting trying to get to my sweet puppy. I screamed in pain and fear simultaneously as Roxanne nervously kicked the cat off of me and threw her in her room.

Finally...a second to breathe. I looked at my hand and watched blood ooze from it. All of the sudden shit started hurting. MAN DOWN! This cat just fucked my world up! I look at Kiwi and see blood on her ears. Tears roll down my face because I failed her as a human parent. Roxanne who is completely frantic starts licking her hand and wiping Kiwi's ear to assure me that it isn't her blood. It was ALL mine. 

Roxanne is all, "Diamond, the dog is fine. What about you? What do I need to do? Do I need to take you to the doctor?"

Fuck that. I AM a doctor. I'm first responder certified. I can handle this shit....plus I don't have any insurance. As a mother of two, she was COMPLETELY ill-prepared for an emergency. Not even a single fucking band-aid. So I told her to take me to CVS.  (Wish I had pictures of the blood and gore, but pictures weren't on the top of the priority list at the time.) We drive to the first CVS...closed. Fuck, let's go to the other one. Next CVS...closed. MOTHER EFF!!!! Are there no 24-hr pharmacy stores in this town? Fuck it. We're going to Wal-mart.

I slowly get out of the car because the pain in my hand is so intense not to mention my scrub bottoms had started sticking to my leg wounds while the wind was howling that night. We walk in a B line (or an i line) to the pharmacy section of the store failing on every aisle to find what we need. I see a worker and ask, "where is the peroxide?" She gives me a once over, sees my bloody hand and points with a concerned face to the appropriate aisle. We dash over and Roxanne starts to quickly open boxes of gauze. She goes to apply it and I yell "Wait! We need peroxide first!" She puts the box down, looks around and finds a small bottle of equate brand peroxide and untwists the top. She pulls the sliver seal off with her teeth and pours the peroxide on my open wound and gauze. 

I squeal in pain as bystanders pass by the aisle wondering what the fuck we are doing as if it weren't a normal occurrence at the mart of Wal. I am jumping up and down waiting on the pain to subside while Roxanne is wide-eyed and ready for the next procedure. At the same time an older gentlemen tries to walk down the aisle we are hogging but decides to go around to get his deodorant when he sees peroxide and blood gauze on the floor. She applied a few pieces of gauze on the wound and started to wrap my hand with a self adhesive wrap. Finally with a closed wound the pain decreased as the ibuprofen I had previously taken before we left the house kicked in. We grab all the things we used including a little extra for my untreated leg to check out. We made light conversation with the cashier as she was concerned with the situation, and left giggling and ready for the next adventure. 

Pretty good for a 10pm Wal-mart run

We ran out of supplies

Good morning puncture wound

After I slept in the bandages this is what it looked like =)

At least I got pretty tape?!

These are 3 days later 

 NOW! 

No worries, I got a script for antibiotics as a precaution for cat scratch fever or any other nasty shit cats have (though I will never be able to wear shorts). Miley however, is without a home again, so if you or anyone else want a kitty cat her crazy ass is up for adoption...and this is why I don't mess with pussy.