Ramblings of a Hung Over Southern Belle

Things I've learned this weekend:

• I can't parallel park drunk

• I still think I am a good driver when I'm drunk
• Drunk Skyping is fun
• I say dumb things on Skype when I am drunk. i.e. "My butt looks good so I wear sparkly pants."
• Soccer hottie STILL gets drunker than me
• We need a DD
• Guam is pretty at 6:00 p.m. 
• Air Force boys say dumb things on Skype
• Dallas has issues connecting with technology in Guam
• Changing a bad photo of myself to 1960's makes me look a little better

• I hate hanging out with a large group of couples
• I love hanging out with single people
• I drink a lot of beer
• I'm not as young as I once was
• Bingo is fun
• Brooms can stand on their own

• I should wash my face before passing out because my sheets are white
• I miss college
• I think I will reminisce about college with my college friends forever
• I like to talk about my boobs...or lack thereof 
• I think my bra is really pretty
• My animals love cuddling with soccer hottie

• My animals still end up taking over my bed in the middle of the night
• I can drink three days in a row
• It doesn't feel good to drink three days in a row
• I just need to stick to my couple of glasses of wine every day
• I need to go grocery shopping
• My debit card doesn't work if ran as credit
• My cat is a vampire

• Molly needs to meet soccer hottie
• I am better at deeply palpating when I am drunk
• I'd rather clean my house all day than study
• I think it is safe to drive on the interstate drunk
• I can never own a push to start car...I would never know where my keys were
• White girls say funny things to black girls. i.e. "My friend is coming to hang out. He's cute. He's a black guy."

• There are white men that will say racist things to white girls that hang out with black people. i.e. "If you hang out with black people you can hang out  by yourself"
• I don't remember half the things I said Saturday night
• Soccer hottie opens other people's mail when she is drunk
• Don't leave my mail around soccer hottie
• I love the song Hell On Hells by Pistol Annies

• Sitting and listening to my girlfriends talk about wedding stuff makes me want to drink more
• Coupled people don't understand why you would rather go home than to be the only single person watching coupled people be coupled
• I like the word coupled
• Curly hair loves the smell of cigarette smoke more than straight hair

• I love getting drunk dialed 
• People love to drunk dial me
• Prank calling is still fun

• My face looks fat when I take pictures

• Pictures don't justify how skinny I am
• I like to tell people how skinny I am now
• I love being a skinny bitch
• I like to deter nice guys from joining the Navy because I don't want them to be a douche bag
• I want a reality show
• I don't care about Snooki being pregnant
• I'm glad I am not pregnant
• I like to drink
• I can't wait for next weekend